Elopement Style Vow Renewal in Big Sur

I heard 2016 was trending so this feels like the perfect time to take this rant off my notes app and onto the big screen...

Back in March of 2016, we decided to do a vow renewal in Big Sur. More specifically, I asked and George said "sure." I know what you're thinking: Didn't you just get married the year before? And wow, are you ok? (if you've ever watched any of the Real Housewives franchise, you know that vow renewals are a red flag for an impending divorce) Well, you're not wrong. Yes, we did just get married the year before. But was I ok? WE were ok - but I don't know that I was.

Let me take you a little farther back to pre-wedding times: 2014/2015 Kendra. I was working in a toxic environment at 60+ hours a week. We were engaged and I spent whatever little time I had outside of work planning our wedding - crafting, Pinteresting, sourcing decor, and managing all the other details. I was checking boxes (literally, I still have the binder) and going through all the motions, but I don't know that I ever really stopped to feel any of it. When wedding week actually came, I was spun so tight in my head about the timeline and how/when things were going to happen. I had my mom and my friends pack carryons full of decor. But the second we walked in the door of our rental, and I walked out to the deck and saw all of our people hanging out on the beach, I didn't care about any of it. I don't even really know how to describe it, almost like I just woke up. I had finally clicked in and nothing mattered anymore except just being in it.

I looked back at the pictures and went back and forth between comparing myself to other people/weddings and feeling like I'd wished I'd done certain things differently. Just to jog your memory, in 2015 feeds were chronological and there were no such thing as stories. It's not lovely to say, but there was a lot of "likes" comparison and feeling like I didn't live up to other "instagram famous" wedding photographers. I refer to our wedding as "the best day ever" so in this weird grieving moment I kept having to remind myself of how it felt. Because it was the best. I went to bed that night feeling on top of the world. After some time (and soul searching) I realized that it wasn't that I wished I had bought a more expensive dress, or worked out more, or gotten botox - it's that I wish I cared about ME more in the process. And it wasn't about wishing I'd spent more money on rentals or florals or the decor or the details...it was actually wishing I had done less. I was living in some Pinterest world that wasn't real. I was trying to connect the dots without actually sitting with decisions. Or maybe I sat too long, trying to make every detail an even bigger one. Regardless, my focus wasn't where it should've been.

It's funny, because as a wedding planner, I've had similar post-wedding conversations with other couples. But you can't really tell someone in the thick of planning to chill out or that certain things don't matter. Quick side story, but when Goldie was younger she would have these big meltdowns, we'd ask her what was wrong and she would cry "I CAN'T know." And it's just that. You can't know til you're through it.

SO long story longer, in 2016 we decided to do a vow renewal and do it all over again. This time with less stuff and, quite literally, no people for me to obsess and worry about. I also selfishly wanted to wear another wedding dress. One that actually fit me (another story, another time). My grandmother had passed away the week before so I made the last minute decision to pair her sweater over my dress. She once told me, with tears in her eyes, that it was the first expensive thing she ever owned and she was so happy that it was now mine.

I wanted a good "kiss" photo. At our wedding ceremony I decided to be cute and grab George's face, but he's a face grabber, so this meant that we both grabbed each other's face, end result was...not cute. I made him kiss me so much at this vow renewal, Mr. "physical touch is my love language," said he was officially touched out that day. While some of my rationale might be silly or superficial, my true intent was to do parts of this day with my head on straight and my two feet on the ground.

We spent the morning on the porch writing a second set of vows in red Sharpie - the only pen we found in our truck, affectionately referred to as "Larry." We drove around Big Sur and hopped fences with a photographer (and now become friends with and have worked with multiple times, love you Jenna!). After, I wore my dress into a dive bar, danced to live music, and drank way too much. It was honestly the best second wedding day ever.

Photos by Jenna Rae